I Just Wanted a Drink from the Cafeteria.
The evening of June 10, 2022, was a completely normal day. A trip to the cafeteria with my coworker would ultimately lead to an ER visit and a five-day hospital stay. In the first few hours, I would undergo a head CT, chest x-ray, STAT brain MRI, and STAT chest/abdomen/pelvic CT.
Fahd, Do you think I’m having an anxiety attack?
Meet Fahd. The only thing bigger than his mind is his heart. I’m humbled & honored to work alongside one of the extraordinary people that ultimately saved my life.
While I was getting a drink, my left arm began to tingle, ok weird. I went to put a straw in my drink, but my left hand couldn't grasp it, it was as if my brain was telling my hand to pick up the straw, but my hand wouldn’t move. I was honestly not even that freaked out, it passed quickly, and then I was holding the straw in my left hand.
I casually strolled over to Fahd, who happens to be one of the most intelligent providers I know, and told him what had just happened. We went back to the ER and talked more about it. I kept saying, “What if this is just anxiety?” He said, “Are you anxious right now?” Well, I wasn't.
I knew we were thinking the same thing; I just had a stroke. He performed a brief neuro exam; I had weakness in the upper left extremity. He arranged for our security to drive me down the street to UTSW Clements Hospital. I remember asking the security guard, “Please come back and get me,” when I finished getting checked out.
It was late by this time. I had already called Josh; he wanted to come up; I assured him I was fine, would let him know if anything changed, and that I was planning on returning to work after getting checked out. Remember, we have four kids and live 45 minutes north of Dallas.
My ER visit went smoothly, and I remember thinking they weren’t busy that night. Looking back, I realize that the doctor that triaged me knew this was something more. The “stroke protocol” was initially ordered, including lab work, EKG, and a brain CT. Sitting alone in my ER room, a different ER doctor walked in, and I thought, “Geez, who kicked your dog,” he looked sad and a little too serious for me.
Mrs. Renn, there are three masses in your brain.
"Mrs. Renn, we need additional imaging, including an MRI." Naturally, I asked, "Why?" He explained that the previous brain CT showed three masses in my brain, and the right side of my brain was dangerously swollen. (CT scans & MRIs are read like you are standing at the feet and looking up; the patient’s right will be the reader’s left.) I know he said more, but I have no idea what it was.
The room became dark, although no one touched the lights, and I felt like I was watching myself. "I have four kids," I loudly repeated these four words no less than 20 times. I realized I was grabbing the doctor's arm as if I was holding it because the ground had fallen from beneath me. Then I yelled, "JOSH, I want Josh." The doctor found my phone and called Josh. I don't recall much of this conversation, but I know I told him they found something in my brain, and I needed him.
The next thing I remember is being on my hands and knees and crying out to God. I'm not 100% of what I said; I know I was moaning and crying out to him for more time with my babies and Josh.
Then a nurse came into the room; she wasn't my nurse; she knelt beside me, held me, and began to pray and plead to God for my healing, children, and husband. She did not know me; she had heard my moans and came and held me. I know that God sent her to provide me with a physical embrace of His love.
After the MRI and additional CT scans, Josh was waiting for me in the ER room; he crawled into the hospital bed and held me; this is how we would be for the next five days.
Stage 4 Lung Cancer
The additional CT scan revealed a mass in the upper lobe of my right lung. I was admitted to the hospital and transferred to the oncology floor. A lot went down in the following days. The priority was swelling on the right side of my brain. Neurology believed that this swelling caused the transient seizure, which explained the symptoms I had experienced.
The second focus was to confirm that the mass seen in my lung was the primary tumor. I went to the operating room on the third day. A bronchoscopy was done, with a biopsy of the visualized tumor, in my right lung. Pathology was in the operating room and immediately reviewed some of the tissue collected. When I was awake and back in the hospital room with Josh, the pulmonologist confirmed that the tumor in my right lung was the primary source of cancer: adenocarcinoma.
The masses seen in my brain were metastasis from this tumor. Stage IV lung cancer. Forty-two years old, healthy, fit, nonsmoker, with stage IV lung cancer.
Refuge in the hospital
During these five days, I would be seen by more than six doctors practicing different specialties. Deacons from our church, whom we didn't know, came daily and prayed over Josh, me, and our family. Our family and closest friends wasted no time showing up big. The nurses and staff were terrific. They arranged for all the kids to come up and even allowed Rush to spend the night.
I can tell you that there was a lot of darkness in those five days, which I had never experienced before. Within the first minutes of my experience, countless faithful believers stepped in and stepped up, pleading for God's comfort and supernatural healing, and many of you have never stopped.
It is by the ultimate grace of God, through the peace found only in His presence, were we able to leave the darkness behind.
Not to say that it doesn't chase us, but we continue to find our refuge under His wings.
As I sit and write these words to you, so many things have changed since that day. I have experienced God’s grace and healing and have undergone numerous treatments extending my life.
I hope you will join me as I dive deeper into the treatments, procedures, medications, research, and clinical trials that are changing daily, they are saving my life, and I get to be a part of it all. I am excited to share this journey with you.
If you or someone you love has recently received life-changing news, you are not alone. I see you. I am often reminded to take one day at a time. But I also allow myself to be unsure, scared, overwhelmed, and sad. I know my life has forever changed, but much good will come from this story.
