Give Thanks
The Lord is my strength and my shield; in Him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.
November has always been one of my favorite months. We celebrate one anniversary, two birthdays, and Thanksgiving, which keep our calendar pretty full.
Anniversary
On November 14th, Josh and I celebrated our fourteenth wedding anniversary. Fourteen years ago, in a beautiful 100-year-old chapel at sunset, surrounded by the sounds of a beautiful string quartet, Josh and I stood together and publicly proclaimed what had been in our hearts for years. Our wedding was absolutely beautiful. It was intimate; we had a personal relationship with every single guest. The ceremony captured our hearts, and the reception captured our personalities. People still tell us we had the best food, we had Babes, but I insisted on table service. Some friends who owned a bar at the time gifted us their staff to serve at our reception. Huge baskets of Babe’s biscuits on the table were necessary for the amount of wine enjoyed. Friends sat like family around tables with various wines open to enjoy. I think I danced with everyone in the room several times. Josh dragged me away, and my mom surprised us with a vintage Rolls-Royce limo that took us to our final destination. Coincidentally, there are no pictures from said after-party. Living in a time when every moment wasn’t captured on a cell phone was nice. It was the perfect day, and as cheesy as it sounds, Josh and I are more in love today than we ever thought possible all those years ago.
Not to burst any bubbles for those of you who will one day have your wedding. It is a great day, but it will not be the best day of your life; just wait; life gets even better.
Celebrating Josh
November 15th is Josh’s birthday. He is probably the easiest person in the world to celebrate. He asks for three things: to be with his family, homemade shepherd's pie, and no presents; he will get two out of three requests. This might shock everyone, but I buy cakes. Yes, you heard me; I am a below-average baker. It combines my lack of patience and my habit of skimming when reading. A few years ago, I attempted a homemade cake for Josh; there was some hesitation when I told him there wasn’t a cream center; it, in fact, was under-baked. We ate the edges, and all lived to tell about it.
Thanksgiving
We all celebrated Thanksgiving a day early this year. This is my year to work. People always tell me how terrible it must be to work on a holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I will sell my soul to trade and weasel out of working Christmas Day, but there are worse places you could be than at a Children’s Hospital. If I can’t be with my own family, I honestly don't mind working; I still get to help families, some on the worst days of their lives.
Josh made his delicious smoked turkey. I am thankful for my mom, Mande, and Trey, who took care of absolutely everything else. We ate, laughed, played games, and I even got to rest my eyes for a few moments.
Rhet Thomas decided a few weeks ago to make pumpkin pie this year. Can you believe all my kids love pumpkin pie? Rhet and Rush tried some recipes the previous week, made several mini pies, and decided on their favorite one. We all enjoyed a delicious homemade pumpkin pie from the boys this year.
This Thursday, November 30th, my mom’s birthday will be our final celebration of the month. She is also easy to celebrate and an excellent way to wrap up this month.
Finally, November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month
I have learned over the last 18 months that I am part of a very fluid disease.
Awareness, research, and funding are so very important. This is what extends the lives of people with my specific type of disease.
We’ve Been Busy Healing My Body this Month
I completed three rounds of radiation to my rib and spine under the guidance of one of my favorite doctors at UTSW. This isn’t your average radiation. I received my treatments with the Magnetic Resonance-guided Radiation Therapy (MRgRT.) A lot goes into this; most of it is way over my head. But here is the basic breakdown: my team can see my tumors and surrounding healthy tissue in real-time; this allows for precise image-guide radiation beams to be shaped to reflect my current tumor as it changes. This means that my physicians can target my tumors and avoid surrounding healthy tissue. The treatments are painless; I don’t feel anything. Praise God, may this magic machine melt away all my tumors.
Today was a new one for us; this was my first round of chemotherapy. I have never taken chemo; remember, my oral (Tagrisso) is not chemotherapy; it is a TKI, targeted therapy. I will also continue this medication as well. This was my first of four infusions. I will receive my infusions on Tuesdays every three weeks here in Dallas. I don’t know what to expect since this is all new. I am choosing this under the guidance of my favorite doctor at MD Anderson. I trust him. He has years of research and clinical trials that he has completed for people like me. I also feel like he truly sees me. He consistently describes me as young (which I love), healthy, with a “very low total disease burden.” His thoughts are, let’s keep it that way. Let’s be aggressive and not wait for progression.
Josh spent the day with me. He started the day with a thoughtful basket he put together with a few of my favorite things and a hearty breakfast that he insisted I sit down and eat. We made each other laugh most of the day. He loves me well.
I know my body will handle this well. I have learned that I am strong over the last 18 months. I have the ability to get up and keep going. I don’t like to be sick or hurt. I breezed through four pregnancies, had few complaints, and delivered four healthy babies. I still remember the L&D nurse we had with Rush; he was born at 7:20 p.m. My medical peeps will understand this: it’s a shift change. My day nurse chose to stay, and after Rush was born, she looked at me and said, “You were made for this.” I couldn’t have agreed more. I am not comparing childbirth to chemo; one represents the happiest days of my entire life, the other the scariest.
I am scared. I’m scared that this is happening. I am scared that I’m sick, even though I don’t feel like it. I’m scared that no one will tell me this will all be okay. I’m scared that my strong, trustworthy, relentless body will grow weak. I am most scared that I will just be a memory for my babies one day.
I am choosing to remember how amazing this body is. This body brought four beautiful babies into the world. This body has spent the last 16 years working twelve-hour shifts caring for some of the most fragile pediatric patients in the metroplex. This body, which sometimes I have been too critical about, has never failed me. My body is strong; sometimes I feel broken, but then I think of all the amazing things my body has been able to do in my forty-three years. I will rally; I always do; I have no choice; I can give you five reasons.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
I will never stop asking for your prayers. It is the messages and prayers that are sent to me on the most random days that help remind me that I am not alone. I pray daily for my sweet babies that their childhoods are filled with precious memories and not memories of their mom being sick. I pray for Josh that he has peace, that we continue to find joy, and that we celebrate many more birthdays and anniversaries together. I pray those of you who are in this place with me and that research and treatment come in our lifetime. I pray for complete and total healing over my body.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
