Ruach (roo-aak)
Ruach is the Hebrew word for spirit, breath, or wind.
“The Spirit of God {Ruach El} has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.” Job 33:4
With every breath I take, I know God is breathing his love, goodness, and healing into my lungs.
When I was first diagnosed, I felt shattered; I turned to the one who knows me best; God. I cried, prayed, pleaded for my life, begged God on my knees to give me time with Josh and our babies, journaled, read the Bible, and sat alone with God.
Sitting here today, I can look back at that time and feel the reward of having experienced such a spiritual closeness with My Creator. I know it is a place I want to stay.
I was led to Job 23:10 within the first week I was diagnosed.
“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.”
You can find the book of Job in the Old Testament, and I know the Old Testament can be hard to dive into; it can seem overwhelming, confusing, and far away.
Many years ago, I was taught the various biblical canons, a way to group the books of the Bible to study them better. That being said, the book of Job is in the Old Testament, one of five books described as writings or poetry.
Job is a book that can show us God’s grace amidst our suffering, God’s sovereignty, and the meaning of faith.
I am set apart as a child of God; God calls us believers to be so. This does not mean my life will be free from suffering, heartbreak, or loss. But early on, I had a decision to make; was I going to let this suffering that my diagnosis has brought continue to shatter me to pieces, or was I going to turn those pieces over to God and allow him to restore me?
Either He loves me, or He doesn't. I strongly argue that He does.
The book of 1 Peter is in the New Testament, one of many books classified as letters, usually letters to the church. 1 Peter serves as a letter of encouragement to those suffering, and he mentions trials and suffering several times throughout this letter. 1 Peter 1: 6-7 Peter is teaching us that our "gold" will be put to the fire, but our faith will be greater.
My "gold" is being heated, really, really heated. But this heat is strengthening my faith. I will choose to respond with the following;
Confidence: God's ways are bigger than mine, and He is the author of My story.
Perseverance: There will be fear, anger, and sadness, but I refuse to allow them to reside in me; this will not be something I cannot overcome.
Finally, I will respond with Courage. Jesus, my savior, my living sacrifice, bore the cross; there is never anywhere He will ask me to go that He has not been. Take heart; He goes before you always.
When I find myself in those dark places, my sister will remind me,
“It’s ok to visit, but you can’t stay.”
If you are stuck in those dark places or need a push to leave, I’m with you and would like to help. Give yourself Grace, or better yet, allow yourself to feel and accept God’s Grace. That might look different for everyone. I like to write; I write a prayer to God, which often starts with petitions for healing then I find myself listing all that I am so grateful for. It is in this reflection that It is clear to see all the ways God Loves me. He loves you, too.
